Christina,
I am a 39 year old lesbian, my girlfriend is 23 and in the military. I just got wind from a few friends that also know her, that she has been messing around allot while out on active duty. I do not know whether to leave her now or when she gets back. Also, I don't know if I should leave her because of the infidelity because I do love her. What would you do and what do you think of the situation?
Stacey in Morgantown
Dear Stacey,
Before you do anything or make any decisions, make sure without a doubt that these rumors are true. Sometimes rumors get started out of innocent situations. Has your girlfriend changed any in how she corresponds with you and talks to you? Do you personally see any tell-tell signs of cheating? Did she have a tendency to stray before she left? Was she flirtatious with others while she was still here? Think of all these things and reason it out. Just make sure that what you are hearing is true before making any decision on this that you may regret later.
I don't know the entire situation. For instance, how long have you two been together? How long has she been away? Does her duty call for extreme stress, such as putting her life on the line every day? There are a lot of things to consider here, especially since you are not sure you even want to leave since you love her.
I'm not saying there is any good reason to cheat, but if you love her and have doubts about leaving her then think about the questions I asked above. For instance, I know that sometimes when people are thrown into extremely stressful situations, like combat they often times lose sight of the future. Sometimes they don't see themselves ever getting out of that situation alive, so they may do or say things that normally they wouldn't. If this is the case, then it's up to you whether or not you feel you can forgive and forget and get on with your life once she comes home.
On the other hand, if your girlfriend is not under extreme stress and her position is a relatively safe, sheltered one and she's just over there "enjoying" herself while she's away from you, well then that's a different situation all together.
Obviously this is something you need to talk to her about to get her side of everything. Picking the right time to do it may be tricky. Is she due home soon? If so, it might be a good idea to wait until she gets home to address the situation. If she still has a long time left on her duty, then you will no doubt have to bring it up sooner or later, if you feel that this is not a situation you can overlook and forgive.
If you find out that she has just been taking advantage of all this "space" between you two, to be able to do her own thing without you finding out...then you don't have to sit there and let yourself be used and walked all over. Whether she is in the military or not, you should not let anyone use you. If she is cheating so that she can have all the fun she possibly can before returning home...well, that is NOT love! So, find yourself someone that loves you back. If this is the case, then why should you have to wait to leave her and torture yourself any longer if she's just using you? Trust me, if this is the case, then you don't have to feel guilty about leaving her now, because if she's just living it up with other people while she's away...it won't traumatize her, I'm sure she'll find all the comfort she needs....If she is indeed guilty of infidelity as you have heard it. Love should not be a one way street.
So, basically it all adds up to finding out if the rumors are true. Then, if they are you should find out if she's acting and reacting in this manner due to psychological stress or just to "live it up" while you are apart. From that point dear, you will have to decide whether to forgive or to move on with your life.
I hope you find out the rumors are false and all works out with you and your girlfriend. Good luck in your decisions.
Love To All,
Christina
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