You Must Not Drink to Prove Your Love to Me...huh?! Well, well, well...what a statement that is! You know, it is quite common for one person in a relationship to be more controlling than the other, but, come on...there has got to be a limit. I have this super friend that is as sweet as pie, deserving of the best that life can give her. She has been dating a woman for the last year and dealing with the typical ups and downs that come along with a long distance relationship, throwing in the fact that her girl friend is as controlling, manipulative and dishonest as they come. Once again, it is proof that when you find that one person that captures your heart you put up with almost anything to gain their acceptance and Love. My friend had "sad" on her status on her Myspace so I asked her why she was sad. Her reply baffled me but in the same it also made complete sense to me. I have been in her shoes, so I had a complete understanding of what she was going through. Apparently, my friend's girlfriend was feeling a little insecure so she told my friend that she needed to "prove her love by not drinking for one week". Mind you, her girl friend lives in another state and it makes complete sense to her that she can drink anytime she wants but my friend cannot. As the week progressed with my friend being good by not drinking, the opportunity arose when her brother in-law and another friend offered her a beer. Being as though it was mid-afternoon with no intention of having a full blown out party with everyone getting smashed, she thought it would be OK to sip on a beer or two. Considering the fact that my friend is twenty seven years old, one would think this would not be considered a mortal sin. This was not the case with my friend's girlfriend. My friend was honest with her girl friend and told her about this sipping on a beer with no intention of getting plastered and her girl friend hit the roof! After my friend's girlfriend shot back with a barrage of, "you do not love me" comments and "what about your promise" comments she also took the ball and ran, commenting on other areas in my friend's life. "you still live with your mother", "why did you quit your job", "your this", "your that", the list goes on. Being as though my friend is kindhearted, being the type of person that would spend her last dollar for another friend while giving her shirt off her back to help a stranger, I was not surprised that this confrontation had brought her to tears. My friend said, "Laurie, she really means it this time, it is over". It really mad me angry to hear my friend talking like this. I shot back with some advice of my own. This is what I told my friend,"Dearest Friend, true love does not need to be "proved", whatever you get out of this whole ordeal, remember that. That is called control! You living with your mom? Good God, right now as tough as times are right now, she should be happy at the fact that you have a secure place to live, not having to live day by day struggling with rent and everything else. That was just a low blow. You quit your job? what's that got to do with her, is she paying your bills? See what I am saying? Yes, get through it and don't look back. Your a great person my friend and you deserve someone that can treat you with respect. It does not matter that she has it going on right now with a good job and all that. You are an individual and should be able to make your own choices in life. I know you are strong. Hang in there and I know you are hurting. Don't settle for someone that has to control what you do, settle for a best friend that stands next to you!" I often wonder what makes us, the ones that put up with a controlling partner, hang in there. Do we feel like we deserve it? Was there something in our childhood that made us constantly crave someone's love or acceptance? Are we that type of individual that needs to constantly be told what to do to make us feel like when we do what that person tells us to do we are doing something right? I just hope that we, the individuals that put up with the "control freak", can one day break free and find a person that indeed wants to walk next to us, holding our hand; supporting our decisions; and lending that shoulder if we fail. Love should never have to be "proved", it should just be accepted and maintained. As always, you can contact me at keeku34@yahoo.com or http:///www.myspace.com/lauriemcgee *note..to those of you that have sent me a message on Myspace, please make sure that I can reply back to you or that you leave your last name or email addy so I can add you.
You Must Not Drink to Prove Your Love to Me...huh?!
Well, well, well...what a statement that is! You know, it is quite common for one person in a relationship to be more controlling than the other, but, come on...there has got to be a limit.
I have this super friend that is as sweet as pie, deserving of the best that life can give her. She has been dating a woman for the last year and dealing with the typical ups and downs that come along with a long distance relationship, throwing in the fact that her girl friend is as controlling, manipulative and dishonest as they come. Once again, it is proof that when you find that one person that captures your heart you put up with almost anything to gain their acceptance and Love.
My friend had "sad" on her status on her Myspace so I asked her why she was sad. Her reply baffled me but in the same it also made complete sense to me. I have been in her shoes, so I had a complete understanding of what she was going through.
Apparently, my friend's girlfriend was feeling a little insecure so she told my friend that she needed to "prove her love by not drinking for one week". Mind you, her girl friend lives in another state and it makes complete sense to her that she can drink anytime she wants but my friend cannot. As the week progressed with my friend being good by not drinking, the opportunity arose when her brother in-law and another friend offered her a beer. Being as though it was mid-afternoon with no intention of having a full blown out party with everyone getting smashed, she thought it would be OK to sip on a beer or two. Considering the fact that my friend is twenty seven years old, one would think this would not be considered a mortal sin. This was not the case with my friend's girlfriend. My friend was honest with her girl friend and told her about this sipping on a beer with no intention of getting plastered and her girl friend hit the roof! After my friend's girlfriend shot back with a barrage of, "you do not love me" comments and "what about your promise" comments she also took the ball and ran, commenting on other areas in my friend's life. "you still live with your mother", "why did you quit your job", "your this", "your that", the list goes on.
Being as though my friend is kindhearted, being the type of person that would spend her last dollar for another friend while giving her shirt off her back to help a stranger, I was not surprised that this confrontation had brought her to tears. My friend said, "Laurie, she really means it this time, it is over". It really mad me angry to hear my friend talking like this. I shot back with some advice of my own. This is what I told my friend,"Dearest Friend, true love does not need to be "proved", whatever you get out of this whole ordeal, remember that. That is called control! You living with your mom? Good God, right now as tough as times are right now, she should be happy at the fact that you have a secure place to live, not having to live day by day struggling with rent and everything else. That was just a low blow. You quit your job? what's that got to do with her, is she paying your bills? See what I am saying? Yes, get through it and don't look back. Your a great person my friend and you deserve someone that can treat you with respect. It does not matter that she has it going on right now with a good job and all that. You are an individual and should be able to make your own choices in life. I know you are strong. Hang in there and I know you are hurting. Don't settle for someone that has to control what you do, settle for a best friend that stands next to you!"
I often wonder what makes us, the ones that put up with a controlling partner, hang in there. Do we feel like we deserve it? Was there something in our childhood that made us constantly crave someone's love or acceptance? Are we that type of individual that needs to constantly be told what to do to make us feel like when we do what that person tells us to do we are doing something right?
I just hope that we, the individuals that put up with the "control freak", can one day break free and find a person that indeed wants to walk next to us, holding our hand; supporting our decisions; and lending that shoulder if we fail. Love should never have to be "proved", it should just be accepted and maintained.
As always, you can contact me at keeku34@yahoo.com or http:///www.myspace.com/lauriemcgee *note..to those of you that have sent me a message on Myspace, please make sure that I can reply back to you or that you leave your last name or email addy so I can add you.