The Wild Zone

 

The daughter I never had

May 2008, I received a call asking if I could drive some family members of a friend to Florida. Without hestitation, I agreed. I thought, as a friend, this was the only thing to do. I did not mind driving and I like to see the country so I agreed.

 
After packing my things and loading up my car, I headed to my friend's house and helped them get ready, met the family members that we were taking on this journey, and made sure the truck we were taking was road ready. As I pulled in, two small girls came running out of the house and yelling my name. I greeted them with a smile, for I had only seen these two girls across the yard and never had the time to meet them.

 
I knew that they were not being cared for properly. I knew that they were sheltered in the house most of the time. I knew they were not "normal" little kids. I just did not take the time to investigate what was going on or how they were living. Afterall, they were related to my friend, so I knew not to stir the pot any or ask too many questions.

We were waiting on my friend's husband to come home so we all sat around the kitchen table and drank some coffee and just talked. The girls were playing in the house like they had never been able to play before. The noise was so loud, but the laughter coming from two precious children made it ok.

 
The older girl, being four, and her name was Kendall. The younger girl , being two, was named Jordan. Both girls were living with their great grandmother and great aunt in a small two bedroom house with three small dogs. Both girls had several siblings that they had not ever seen or ever been told about.

In general conversation, I asked the great grandmother, Peggy, what was the reason for moving to Florida. Not only was I shocked at the reply, but I was heartbroken. " We are going to Florida so I can get help raising these two monsters that no one in their right mind would ever want." I am sure the look on my face told the story of what surprise I was just hearing.
 
I started to pay closer attention to what the girls were doing and how they were acting. No matter what they were doing or how loud they became, I could not see a reason for someone to not want them nor love them as they needed to be.

 
The time came to load up the truck and head to Florida. I put my things in the back and noticed that alot of adult clothes were in the back of the truck. I am an inquistive person, so I asked where the girl's clothes were. Again, I was surprised at my reply. " Whoever gets them in Florida will have to buy them clothes since there was no room for them in the truck." I am sitting here thinking that these two innocent children are going to a strange place, no clothes, no toys, and do not know a soul there. My heart breaks more!

Five miles into the trip, I have to know for my own satisfication what it would take to keep these two girls in North Carolina, where they at least knew someone. So I asked, and of course that was not open for discussion, or at least at this point.
 
Jordan had some kind of medical issues. At this point we were not sure what it was. She would not talk and would hide her face when spoken to. I was determined that this little angel was going to warm up to me somehow on this trip.

The best way to a child was candy or juice. So I stopped and got her some juice and a sucker. The smile on her face was worth every penny I just spent. Kendall and Jordan were all smiles as if it was Christmas for them.

That is all it took to get her to come close to me. The rest of the trip, I had inherieted me a baby girl. She would smile at me, she would reach for me, she would walk hand in hand with me at each stop, she wanted to sit close to me with every mile. I knew I had touched her heart with this simple gesture. I wanted to continue it while they were in my presence.

The first hundred miles, we had stopped about five times. Just to let them use the restroom, get them a drink, buy them something simple that they could keep with them, anything to make them smile. We had arrived at Savanah, Georgia . The Walmart sign was lit up from the highway. I whipped that truck in the parking lot like I had a fire to go to. We all got out to stretch our legs and walk around a few minutes. I took both girls to the toy section with me alone. I wanted to get them each a baby doll that they could cling to and love to and know that it was their's to love. Both of them picked out a doll and could not wait until we got to the checkout before they had to open them up. I paid for each doll. We sat at the front of the store naming these babydolls and brushing their hair.

 
The road trip must continue. We drove onto Jacksonville, Florida. The night was getting long. The girls were getting restless and the adults were ready to call it a night. I drove to a Super 8 motel and went up to the window and told the lady " I do not care how much it costs, how many rooms we have to take, but I want a room for these two precious girls to get a bath, a good night's rest and start afresh in the morning."

 
We unpacked three suitcases and then I got mine out of the truck. Jordan was still in diapers, so I am looking for a diaper bag. Peggy tells me that she did not have the money for diapers before we left so there were no diapers. This child had been in the same diaper for eight hours. I was infuriated. I went to the local Walmart and got some diapers, and each girl three outfits each to finish the trip out with.

 
After the baths, playing with the baby dolls a few mins, it was time to settle in for the night. I turned the blankets down on my bed and here comes two little girls wanting to sleep with me. With all I had seen thus far, there was no way I was going to turn them down. Jordan crawls so close to me and kisses me on the check and says " night night mommy." Oh the tears that flowed from my eyes at that point.

This child that just met me, is calling me "mommy". Where is her mommy? Where is her daddy? To my surprise again, I found out that mommy and daddy were in prison. I did not care to go into details about the incarceration. I just knew that this little girl was crying out for some kind of parental love and I knew I had it for her.
As morning rises, the girls are up and ready to travel some more. Peggy had started to cling more to Kendall throughout the night and had her in the bed with her before we awoke. We stopped for breakfast and Jordan is sitting at the table with me and I fed her the breakfast of her choice.

In a joking manner, I stated to Peggy that she should just let Jordan go back home with me and I would support her. The answers have all surprised me up to this point and this one was no different. " I do not care if you take her home, but she needs to at least see her other grandmother before you take her."
 
It is really that simple? I can really have this beautiful girl that longs for the affection of a mother? Oh my, what would I do? How would she act? What would my son think of her? Was Peggy even serious?

We have arrived at Florida. We pull into a motel that appeared to be one that the local drunks or druggies would stay out. Trash thrown from one end of the parking lot to the other. Broken down cars sitting in all directions. Room doors were opened with people laying on beds and on the floor as if they just came in from an all nighter. I was really concerned about leaving an adult here, let alone two little angels.
We went up the stairs to meet the grandmother of Kendall and Jordan. She was obviously under the influence of some kind of drug. Her eyes were heavy, she was slurring her words, she was staggering, it was just a site that no one should have seen.
 
Before I start to unload the truck, I wanted to have a few words with this grandmother. I take her outside and of course Jordan was hanging on my leg and crying as if she knew I was going to leave her shortly. I expressed concerns of leaving both girls there and it being small and not a great area for them to play at. I thought if I found the negative and pointed it out that she would realize this is more then she could bare. No such luck! The grandmother has decided that Peggy and the two girls can stay with her and her boyfriend in this motel room.
There was no way that I could leave Florida knowing that these two girls were going to live this way. We decided to stay a few extra days to see if they would change their minds. Day three, I call and was told that everything was going great and the girls were having a great time. My gut said something different so I decided to drive there and say good bye before we headed back to our home.

 
I pull in, the girls are out in the streets riding a broke down bike. Neither one of them wearing a shirt. Dirty diaper was the outfit that Jordan was supporting, and it hung to her knees. The site was not only heartbreaking, but it was rather disgusting. No adults to be seen, I knew it was not a good situation. Pictures do not lie so I got the camera and started snapping shots of what was transpiring.
I go back to the hotel room that we had spent a few days at and let my heart and head sort out what I thought was the best for the kids. I picked up the phone and called the police. I asked to be directed to child protective services and no delay was needed in this case. I get a caseworker, and I explain what I had seen, what I heard on the trip, and what I knew to be a fact. Remember, the family member who is my friend, is with me and she testifies to the same facts.

 
Child protective services found an immediate danger and took the girls. I offered to take both girls home with me at that time. Just give me the paperwork and let us go home. It was not that simple. I had to fill out paperwork that I would take them. I had to go through investigation and to make sure there was a means for me to support the girls.

CPS wanted me to spend another night there and spend the day with the girls so they could see how they would interact with me. After a total of five days in Florida, CPS seen what they wanted and told me that they would file papers in the court there and notify me when a decision was made. I had to go home without the girls and not knowing what was going to happen. I was granted permission to call them on Sundays at 7 PM. Not a Sunday went by that I was not watching that clock to call.
 
Three weeks of this went by and on a Wednesday evening my phone rang. A strange number to the caller id, I went against better judgement and answered. A soft spoken voice on the other end was asking if this was Miss Wilder. I replied and inquired what the call was about. The lady stated it was about Jordan and Kendall. The only words that would come out of my mouth was " please tell me they are ok!" The lady chuckled somewhat and said these words " I am calling to let you know that we have permission to grant you custody of Jordan. Kendall will be living with family in Florida that has been approved. When can we expect you to arrive in Florida?"

The tears filled my eyes and the happiness filled my heart. I wanted to leave right at that minute, but had to be realistic. I agreed to meeting them that Saturday morning at eight am. I would leave that Friday evening, after my best friend got off of work and we would drive straight there and back. What a long few days that would be, but it was going to be worth it.

 
I get to Florida that weekend and meet the caseworker. Jordan was happier to see me that day then any other person in my life has ever been glad to see me. She ran to me with open arms and a smile that was bigger then the state of Texas. I could only cry. My dreams of having a little girl is coming true and the love that this little girl needs is here waiting on her.

 
We came home as fast as I got there. She had a pink bedroom with princess boarder trim, a toddler bed with pink princess sheets and blankets, and a box of toys that awaited her arrival. A mother and a brother that was new to this scene, but was oh so ready.
Teaching Jordan new things each day was fun, and to see the changes in her was the highlight of my day. To hear her call for her mommy all the time was something that made my heart so happy. She had all new clothes here and toys and it was something she was not used to so to see her face light up each time she would see something new was just amazing.

 
Like everything else in life, all good things come to an end. July 18, 2008, her father came after Jordan. After two short months of us bonding and me loving this child unconditionally, he gets to waltz back into her life like nothing was wrong.

Her father was released from prison and the judge granted him custody. The judge said that each parent was entitled to being a parent, regardless of their past or what I wanted. I had to abide by the law and let him rip her out of my arms. Once again, I had to see the tears come from her eyes as she had to leave with a stranger and I had to turn my back on the one thing that I always wanted. I really felt as if she depended on me as a mother and I was ripping apart at the seams knowing that I was the one thing she loved and knew was going to be there for her, has to now leave her.

Almost a month later, Jordan is still with her father. I still cry a lot about her and worry myself sick over her. I will never give up hope on her coming home.

To Jordan, the daughter I never had, I love you and miss you so much babygirl! We are hoping you're safe and for quick return home!
any suggestions and comments are always welcomed.
 wilder6569@yahoo.com